he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
