So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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