Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
