this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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