Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
