So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize