yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
