Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
