My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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