meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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