Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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