im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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