high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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