I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
