I hate your face
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
