Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
