he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
