so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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