The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We left the knife in your bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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