they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
