dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
