Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
