I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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