Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
