He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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