whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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