READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
