Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
