So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
