Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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