i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
