Just fell off a train. Bad.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
false alarm. still invincible.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
