I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
