I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize