I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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