I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
