If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
