I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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