My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
