At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
