If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
