sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it glows. i had to have it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
