No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize