Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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