I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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