So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
