I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
