It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
