Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
are you so shy because you have an std?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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