When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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