If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
