they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
