I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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