Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
