from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cockslap morals
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we made out on top of his cat.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
