just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
