I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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