My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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