You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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