Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
