Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
