apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
