Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
