I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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