Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
