Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
