You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize