the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
