Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
