i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize