if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
