I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
