My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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