I wish I could teleport
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
