Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
