I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
