I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My balls are so social today.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
