Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
