Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
