I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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