We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
