I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
